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My Almost-daily Journal |
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| About I love trying out new things, especially when it comes to internet technology. I never really kept a journal, but it's something that I've always wanted to do. Now, everybody will get a chance to look inside my twisted, and somewhat-warped mind.
I've also subscribed to Audio Blog, so a few times a week, I'll leave actual voice blogs. Very cool!XML Newsfeed Previous Posts
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Sunday, November 30, 2003
More Farmer Jacks Espionage Tips & Tricks Here's some more Farmer Jacks espionage tips and tricks: 1) Do some "vicarious" shopping- By this I mean pretend that you're stocking up for WWIII. Take two carts if you must! Go through the isles and just start stocking up! Meats and produce are the best choices for this tip. Be sure to place produce at the BOTTOM of the cart. When one or more of your cart(s) fill up, pretend you left your wallet at home and abandon the cart(s). Then go to Kroger. 2) Decoration al la ice cream- Have you ever wondered why they still package ice cream in square containers? The worst thing about the square containers is that they leak if the ice cream ever melts. Melting ice cream is the them with this tip. Grab a Stroh's vanilla cube and place it deep in the back above the spice rack. Better yet, throw a few in the 2 liter pop racks. 3) Test those fragile fruits and veggies- Bruised fruit and vegetables... who likes that? You know why veggies get bruised? It's because 23 other people were handling them prior to your visit. Tomatoes, kiwis, and bananas are especially prone to bruise damage. Go to the produce section and man-handle every piece of fruit and vegetable. The higher the price/lb, the better. 4) Eggs- Nobody buys broken eggs. Catch my drift? 5) Milk and other perishable goods expiration rotation schedule- This one shouldn't need too much explaining... you go into a store to buy some milk. You notice that the milk in the back expires later that the ones up front. Re-rotate the milk! Consumers want fresh goods. Put the older stuff in the back. The same goes for cheese, yogurt, sour cream, cottage cheese and etc. 6) Shopping cart demolition derby- Can't afford a real demolition derby? Then go to Farmer Jacks with your friends! Fill your carts with fruits and vegetables, then place heavier items like family packs of Tide, 8-packs of Coke, etc., on top. Then pretend you're shopping with your friend and hit everything in site, pretending that you're clumbsy. Hit your friends cart too. 7) Shrimp Jerky- Packages of frozen shrimp are usually pretty high-priced. The jumbo shrimps are the key here, where a bag can cost well into $25 or more, depending on the count. Find the family packs of jumbo shrimp and move them to a better location (e.g. behind the canned Cambell's Soup). Come back a few days later to make sure that it's still there. If so, do it again. 8) Returnable cans & bottles mania- I used to chew tobacco... it was a nasty habit. Bottles and cans usually served as spitters for me. I would just throw them away. If I chewed now, the full cans of tobacco+spit would be depositted into their returnable can crusher/sorter. I don't have tobacco+spit now, but there's all sorts of fun liquids and bodily fluids you can place in cans. Be creative. 9) Lettuce recall- Buy a head of lettuce. Save your receipt. Put the lettuce in the microwave for a few minutes. Leave it outside overnight. Then return to Farmer Jacks customer service and demand a new head of lettuce. When refused, demand to speak with the store manager, and if given a hard time (hopefully), demand to speak to the regional director. If it's too easy to get a replacement, try a different Farmer Jacks but instead buy 23 heads of lettuce. 10) Pet store shopping spree- If you really feel mischievious, go to the pet store and make some ala carte purchases. For sure, buy a few rats (at least four). If one of them is female, there's a 44% chance that she's already pregnant. If not pregnant, she will be. Gestation time for rat pinkies is pretty quick. Let them loose in the store, preferably in the back. Do the same think with crickets or grasshoppers. Put a few hundred of those in the produce area. Live blood worms and brine shrimp are great additions to a live lobster tank. If you feel really frisky, add a packet of green dye to the water. 11) Handcream fun- Accidentally explode white handcream or white shampoo all over the Trojan rack. 12) Don't squeeze the Sharmin... OK to squeeze the Wonder Bread- Go to the bread rack and pretend you're a bread tester. A loaf or Wonder Bread can be squeezed into a 4" wide tube. At least that's my record. What's yours? More Farmer Jack tips and tricks will be posted regularly. Be on the lookout for actual video footage of this pilgrimage. posted by Dino at 6:10 PM (permanent link) |